Let Me Count The Ways
by Acmarache
Summary: Please see bio for update.
1. A is for Apple

Title: A is for Apple

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Spoilers: Varies. Be up to date with manga.

Disclaimer: negative

Word from madrona8

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This wasn't any fun at all. Well, it was better than sitting alone at his shop, but it wasn't much better. Not when he wasn't "allowed" to "molest" his favorite Strawberry. Urahara sighed as he bit into another apple and looked at his boyfriend laying on the grass of the Kurosaki's backyard.

A few weeks ago, Isshin had found out about their relationship by unfortunately coming down to his training ground at the exact moment he had been sure Ichigo was finally ready to "do the deed". Damn him. Of course, Isshin had chosen that moment in time to transform into the responsible parent. Now he wasn't allowed to be in the same vicinity of Isshin's "only precious son" unless under strict supervision (e.g. Isshin or Karin- she kicks hard!). And supervision meant no molesting. He was lucky to get a kiss!

Normally, he would just bypass the whole "I am Ichigo's father, therefore, my word is law!" thing, but, considering Ichigo was still jail bait, he figured he should follow the rules for once. After all, he didn't want Ichigo to be forty when he finally got to see him again and molest him. Best to wait two years instead of twenty-four.

So, here he was, sitting on the Kurosaki's back porch, well outside the five yard distance rule, eating apples with Ichigo. Why they were eating apples, he didn't really get when Yuzu explained it since Ichigo had chosen that exact moment to take his shirt off, and damn if that boy wasn't just screaming "ogle me!". He thought it had something to do with Isshin getting too many for a pie (or something clearly not as important as a half-naked Ichigo) and needing to get rid of them before they rotted.

Either way, it really didn't matter. What did matter was that he was going through another day without touching Ichigo. Well, he may be able to get away with something. They were luckily under the supervision of sweet little Yuzu today. Karin had a soccer game, and Isshin had some house call or something (once again, half-naked Ichigo much more important). Hmm. Suddenly inspired, he slowly sidled up to Ichigo so that he could make a break for it if Yuzu decided to attack him with that wooden spoon she always carried. "Hey Ichigo?"

Ichigo eyed his boyfriend warily as he came closer. Was the man asking for a death wish? With that wooden spoon, Yuzu was more dangerous than Karin and Isshin put together. "Yeah?"

"Isshin's a doctor, right?"

Where the hell was he going with this? "Yeah."

"And you know that saying about an apple a day?"

The teen was now a bit curious as to what the insane blond was thinking. "Yeah. What of it?"

"Well, do you think after eating all of these apples, it would keep Isshin away from me if I tried to molest you now?"

The look Urahara gave him should be outlawed. How the hell could he pull off that pouting look and look fucking adorable was beyond him. "Maybe, but it wouldn't keep me away from you." They both turned to see a livid Karin standing in the doorway, soccer ball in hand.

"Karin-chan!"

"Kisuke."

"Yes, my Ichi?"

"Just run."


	2. B is for Broken Light Bulb

Title: B is for Broken Light Bulb

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K+

Spoilers: no

Disclaimer: not mine

Summary: Ichigo should have know better than to trust a single, dangling light bulb.

Prompt: broken light bulb from conjure-lass

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Sighing as he followed the blond shopkeeper to the back of the shop, Ichigo wondered why exactly he let himself get into these situations. He'd come over to the shop this morning to pick up a new Chappy the Bunny something or other for Rukia's birthday. He'd told Urahara earlier in the week when he would come pick it up, but, apparently, the blond had forgotten, and it was in the back storage room. Not wanting to spend the rest of the morning here while Urahara pretended to search, he'd offered to help him look.

This was going to take a while. The storage room was, well, crammed full to say the least. To make it oh so much more fun, the room was lighted by a single, dangling light bulb. The lighting from that single bulb was terrible. Deciding that the sooner he started searching, the sooner he would get out of here, Ichigo walked over to a corner and started opening boxes. It wasn't likely that Urahara would tell him which box the figurine was in even if he knew.

Ichigo was about ready to give up. He was standing next to Urahara going through what must have been the hundredth box. And they weren't even halfway done! Maybe he'd just get Rukia the duck….Of course, it was at that moment when the room was suddenly shrouded in darkness. Damn single light bulb burnt out. They were surrounded by boxes they couldn't see all the way on the side of the room farthest from the door. Fan-fucking-tastic. "Urahara?"

"Yes, Kurosaki-kun?"

Bastard didn't even sound effected by this. He was probably enjoying his frustration. "You don't happen to have a flashlight handy, do you?"

"Funny you should ask. I just happen to have one in one of these boxes!"

After he heard the blonde's answer, Ichigo face palmed. "Like that does us a lot of good idiot. We can't exactly see to look through the boxes. We're going to be stuck here until someone finds us."

Urahara grinned wickedly since he knew the teen couldn't see it. "It won't be that bad Kurosaki-kun! I'm sure we can think of a way to liven things up!"

Feeling something brush his backside, Ichigo tensed. "Urahara?"

"Hmm?"

"Is that your hand grabbing my ass?" Ichigo clenched his teeth while fisting his hands.

"Yup! Why? Would you like me to put it somewhere else? Maybe on your-" Before Urahara could finish, Ichigo slammed his fist in the man's face with stunning accuracy considering he couldn't see.

As the shopkeeper crumpled to the floor, Ichigo heard a slight clink of something connecting with the floor. Reaching down, his hand came in contact with something metallic. Picking it up, he realized what it was that had fallen out of the man's robes.

A flashlight.

Dirty rotten pervert.


	3. B is for Bread

Title: B is for Bread

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: T

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine.

Summary: Urahara explains the wonders of bread to Ichigo by comparing it too sex.

Word: bread from madrona8

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"What are you eating?"

Ichigo stopped his soup soaked bread in its path to his mouth when he heard the vaguely interested sounding voice of his lover. "Um, soup and bread?"

Kisuke made his way forward and sat across from the teen. "Well, that's obvious, but I meant what kind of bread."

"Does it matter?"

Shooting his lover a horrified look, Kisuke cleared his throat in preparation of his explanation. "Of course it matters! Because bread is like, well, bread is like sex." He paused as Ichigo choked on the bread he had shoved in his mouth. "In different times and situations, different kinds are better. If you want a more intense flavor, or comparably rough sex, then you may want a pumpernickel. If you want a light taste, or comparably slow love making, you may want some scali. If you want something with a bit of spice and toughness, comparably bondage, you may look for some artisan bread. So, you see that the type of bread you choose is all a matter of preference and craving."

After Kisuke had finished his little speech, Ichigo still had his mouth hanging open in shock. "Thanks, now I'm never going to be able to look or think about bread without thinking about you and sex." He complained as he brought his teacup to his lips.

Smirking devilishly, Kisuke replied. "Preferably you'll think of the latter together with you."

Ichigo promptly snorted up his tea while choking on it at the same time.


	4. C is for Coffee

Title: C is for Coffee

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K+

Spoilers: naw

Disclaimer: unfortunately, no.

Summary: Ichigo introduces Urahara to coffee. The world is doomed.

Word from Conjure-lass

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"Kurosaki-kun?" When Urahara didn't get an answer from the orange-haired teen attempting to finish his algebra homework, he did the next best thing. He began poking him incessantly in the shoulder.

Ichigo had thought that if he ignored the man, he would go away. He should have known better. This was Urahara after all. It was common knowledge that the man's goal in life was to annoy him whenever possible. He didn't have time for the idiot's antics today though. He had to get this algebra homework done! Sure, the blond had been helpful in telling him he was doing it wrong, but hell if the man would actually help him. No, that would take far too much effort considering the man was a freaking genius. Note sarcasm.

When he realized that Urahara had no plans of stopping his current project of poking him any time soon, Ichigo snapped. "What!"

"What's that?" The blond asked innocently as he glanced at the cup Ichigo had been drinking from for the past half-hour.

"Coffee." Ichigo hoped that would be answer enough. Not wanting to be bugged anymore, he glanced at the blond to make sure he was going to behave. Hmm. He'd never seen that look on his face. He almost looked….confused? Urahara? Confused? Naw.

Urahara really didn't want to admit his ignorance, but Ichigo really seemed to be enjoying this "coffee". So, when the boy began to take another sip of the liquid, he voiced his question. "What's coffee?"

Sputtering as hot coffee covered his hand, Ichigo turned to stare dumbly at Urahara. "You're kidding, right? You've been in the real world for nearly two centuries, and you don't know what coffee is?" Seeing the man's frown and slightly hurt look, he realized he'd offended him. It's not like he'd asked something wrong. He really must not know. "I can't really explain it. Here, take a drink." Ichigo insisted in lieu of an apology as he thrust the cup into the man's hand.

The blond looked at the cup curiously before cautiously tilting it up to take a sip. It was sweet but quickly turned bitter after it slid down his throat. Deciding he liked it, though not as much as tea, he took another sip. Satisfied with his analysis, he handed the cup back to Ichigo with a quiet "thank you".

Urahara had been really quiet since he let him try his drink. He'd gotten through nearly half of his algebra since then, no longer caring if it was right as long as it was done. Deciding he deserved a break, he got up and walked outside to take in the fresh air.

Not ten minutes later he returned to find the shop in absolute chaos.

"Jinta-kun! Let's play another game! Why don't you want to play another game?" An excited and bouncing Urahara asked the frightened looking red-head.

Jinta turned to Ichigo looking at him like he was his savior. "Save me from him! He's gone crazy! He won't stop talking or moving!"

By this time, Urahara had moved over to a silent Ururu asking her if she wanted to help him fix Tessai's hair. This was insane. What the hell was wrong with the man? The only thing the man had had today was a sip of his….coffee. Shit! Caffeine! Quickly, he walked over to Urahara and grabbed him by the shoulders, effectively keeping him from going outside to see if he could fly after jumping off the roof. "Urahara! Snap out of it!"

Ichigo thought for a moment that he had gotten through to the man when he just stared at him for a few minutes. Apparently, he hadn't because the next thing he knew, a pair of lips were on his own, pushing him to the floor. "What do you think you're doing?!"

Not deterred in the slightest, Urahara worked on slipping the man's shirt off without paying attention to the fact that they had an audience. "We're going to have sex, of course!"

Not knowing what else to do, Ichigo grabbed the nearest thing, his algebra book, and promptly slammed it on top of Urahara's head effectively knocking him unconscious. Blushing, Ichigo pushed the man off of him, stood, and began gathering his things while attempting to ignore the stares on his back. On his way out the door, he stopped by Tessai and informed him to never give Urahara coffee. Tessai then promptly informed him that he'd done his best to keep the insane genius away from the dangerous liquid until Ichigo had done away with his hard work and let him have a sip of his own.

When Ichigo finally made it home, he took out his algebra book again, so he could make another attempt at convincing the teacher he should pass. Opening the book, three pages of paper fell out. Picking them up, he looked them over. It was his homework. And it was done. Right. He'd been out of the shop for ten minutes, and in less time than that, a caffeine induced blond genius had done an hours worth of college level algebra.

Maybe giving Urahara coffee wasn't such a bad thing after all.


	5. C is for Chocolate

Title: C is for Chocolate

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: T

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own Bleach

Summary: Ichigo tortures Urahara with the help of some interesting chocolate.

Word: chocolate from Madrona8

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Oh dear Lord. Why, oh why, did he have to look so sexy doing that?

Urahara watched as Ichigo placed another piece of chocolate from the box beside him in his mouth. With an appreciative groan, Ichigo tipped his head back as the chocolate melted in his mouth. He was acting like he was having a bloody orgasm in his mouth! He was the only one that was supposed to give Ichigo orgasms! If he didn't look so damn sexy while he was doing that, then he would put a stop to…to whatever the hell his boyfriend was doing! As it was, however, he wasn't quite sure he could make his way over to the orange-haired teen without tackling him to the ground and giving him a real orgasm. And, well, considering they were in the Kurosaki household's living room, that might not be a good idea. Especially since Karin was glaring death at him.

Whimpering a bit, Urahara followed the path of yet another piece of chocolate on its way to Ichigo's mouth. Wait. Why wasn't Ichigo putting the chocolate in his mouth? Was he smirking? Crap. He was caught. Oh Lord. Now he was sticking that cute little pink tongue out and was licking the chocolate. Wrapping his tongue around it. Treating that piece of chocolate like a certain something when they'd woken up this morning. He had to leave now. His pants were starting to get tight, and if he subjected Ichigo's sisters to that sort of trauma, then he was pretty sure that the teen wouldn't be putting out for a while. Standing up and making some lame excuse about helping out at the shop, Urahara walked out the door and made his way home.

Only a few more blocks. Then he would be home, and he could go to his bedroom. And then take care of his little problem. Although, it would be better if he had a certain someone to help him with his problem…No! Bad thoughts Kisuke! Must refrain from sexy thoughts until bedroom.

When Urahara slipped into his shop, his dazed mind didn't take in the fact that all the occupants of the shop were conveniently absent. Nor did he notice the smirking teen on his bed when he toed off his clogs by the shoji screen door inside his room. When he heard someone speak behind him, he jumped and twirled around.

"Hey, Kisuke. You left pretty quick. You okay?" The teasing tone in his voice and broadening smirk let Urahara know that the boy knew exactly what was wrong.

Urahara was amazed that he had been so out of it that he hadn't even noticed Ichigo turning into a shinigami and shunpoing over here. "I would be fine if someone hadn't decided that it's much more interesting to molest their chocolate instead of just eating it." If he had been a lesser man, one may say that he was pouting. But he didn't pout. Yet.

"Jealous?" Ichigo's smirk got impossibly wide when he saw his lover's pout. "Rukia got them for me. They're from Sweden. Expensive too."

That did it. He knew that he was uncomfortable with Rukia giving him things! It made him wonder if their relationship was entirely platonic. He couldn't help but feel a little insecure. "Of course not. Why would she give them to you?"

Definitely struck a nerve. "Well, apparently, each piece of chocolate, once eaten, can give you an orgasm. And, in exchange for some pictures, she gave them to me to try out."

Eyes widened in realization. "So, what you're saying, is that you took my wanting to be more adventurous seriously to the point that you gave up your privacy by giving pictures to the Shinigami's Women Association of us together and making me hard by literally having orgasms in front of your family."

Ichigo blushed and looked away slightly before answering. "Well, yeah. It's just, well, whenever I do something you suggest for us, it usually ends really good for me."

Stupid grin in place, Urahara made his way over to his lover sitting on his bed. "Really? So, Ichigo, do you have any of that chocolate left?"


	6. C is for Crayon

Title: C is for Crayon

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K+

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: Me no own

Summary: Rukia decides to help Ichigo concerning his relationship with Urahara with the help of some of her drawings.

Word: crayon from Demion69

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Armed with notepad and crayons, Rukia quietly made her way up the stairs to Ichigo's bedroom. Slowly opening the door, she slipped inside. Knowing her presence still hadn't been noticed, she stealthily crept behind the figure bent over the desk scribbling on a piece of paper. Raising her hands, going in for the attack, so close-

"I know you're there Rukia."

"Dammit! You didn't use to be able to sense spirit energy worth your life! What changed?" The girl complained as she made a show of stomping her foot.

Without looking away from his desk, Ichigo answered the pouting girl. "I didn't sense you. I heard you evil cackling outside the door."

She did that out loud? Oops. "No matter. What does matter is a conversation I had with a certain blond shopkeeper." The raven-haired girl straightened and arched a superior eyebrow.

Setting down his pen, Ichigo turned in his chair to look at the girl for the first time since she had entered. A notepad? And crayons? Who the hell gave her crayons? Oh crap. Sighing and running a hand over his face, he decided it was best to just get this over with. "What do you want Rukia?"

Grinning maniacally at her small victory, Rukia sat down on the bed and straightened her supplies in an all business matter. "Well, according to Urahara, you aren't quite sure where to go next in your relationship with him. So, because I'm such a good and concerned friend, I'm going to help!"

Shit. How the hell did Rukia translate her conversation with his lover to the point that she was going to use her crayon drawings? What God had he angered to deserve this punishment? Why him?

"So, here are some diagrams featuring Chappy the Bunny for you to use while I narrate." Rukia held up the terribly drawn pictures and handed them to a slightly dazed and frightened Ichigo.

Ichigo decided that as long as he made sounds and reactions of understanding every few seconds, he wouldn't have to listen and try to comprehend whatever it was Rukia was trying to tell him. Instead, he could just focus on the drawings and try to figure out what the hell they were supposed to be.

He knew the figures were supposed to be bunnies. They looked more like rabid gerbils, but it was probably best he didn't tell Rukia that. What the hell were they doing? Why was one bunny upside down? Vaguely, he caught a bit of what Rukia was saying. When he heard her say something about "lube" and "prostrate", he froze as everything clicked into place. Oh God.

Blushing furiously, Ichigo shot up waving his arms in front of him. He couldn't just pretend he didn't need the talk. That would just make her more persistent. Better go along with it. "Uhm, thanks Rukia. I, uh, understand now. Thanks for helping." Quickly, before Rukia could realize she was being conned, he shoved the drawings in her hands and started to push her towards the door.

Rukia looked confused for a moment, but then she smiled widely, believing that Ichigo did indeed understand. "It's okay, Ichigo. You keep the diagrams in case you need something for reference!"

"Oh, no! That's okay! I understand everything completely thanks to you. Uh, why don't you give them to Renji? I'm sure he could use your help! Great. Bye!" Finally, Ichigo reached the door and shoved his friend out. Renji was going to kill him. But not before he killed Urahara. He'd told the man under no circumstances was he to give that madwoman crayons, let alone talk to her about their relationship. Conniving bastard.

Outside the Kurosaki residence, Rukia smiled proudly to herself. She loved being able to help out her friends with her drawing skills. Ichigo was right. She should help Renji out with her awesome skills and knowledge too. Maybe she should just pose an intervention and invite Ni-sama too. Then, once they understood too, she would make sure that they knew that the intervention was all thanks to Ichigo! She was such a good friend.


	7. D is for Detergent

Title: D is for Detergent

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: T

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine.

Summary: Ichigo and Yuzu have a conversation early one morning, and Ichigo realizes that his little sister knows more than she should.

Word: detergent from KivaEmber

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A lean figure crept down the stairs of the still quiet house and into a room in the back. Glancing around, the boy made his way to the machine against the wall and deposited his bundle on the floor before opening the cabinets.

"Ichi-nii?"

Ichigo whirled around to see a groggy Yuzu standing in the doorway. "Yuzu? What are you doing up?"

The little girl giggled slightly at her brother's reaction. He was never up this early. "I'm always up this early. I was coming down to start breakfast, but heard a noise in here. I thought maybe it was Daddy trying to do laundry, and you know what happened last time I let him near the laundry."

Ichigo chuckled slightly at the memory his sister's answer provided. Karin had not been happy to find her soccer uniform pink. "I woke up early to get caught up on some homework, and I figured I mind as well through in some of my laundry, so you didn't have to do it." He hated lying to his sister, but there was no way he was going to tell her that he'd purposely set his alarm this early so he could wash his, ehm, "dirty" laundry from the last time Urahara came over. He'd wanted to avoid questions and her eventual embarrassment as well as his mortification. Yuzu was still way too young to know about the birds and the bees.

"Oh, well that's sweet of you, but don't worry about it. We're out of detergent until I go to the store this afternoon anyways." Yuzu made her way over to the pile on the floor so that she could throw the clothes in the hamper with everything else.

Quickly moving between his sister and the pile, Ichigo tried for a carefree smile and waved his hand slightly. "That's okay Yuzu. Let me take care of this. You go ahead and make breakfast. In fact, you don't have to worry about my laundry anymore. I'm almost an adult. I should be doing my own laundry. Not my little sister."

Yuzu gazed up at her brother in confusion before she seemed to understand what he was trying to tell her. Leaning forward slightly, she whispered so that if anyone were to come down only she and Ichigo would hear. "Oh, is this about the noises that come from your room when your friend comes over to stay the night?"

The orange-haired teen sputtered at his sister's question. How the hell did she know about that? "Uhm, yeah."

"Okay then. Karin said that might be why your sheets were such a mess when I changed them last week." Yuzu was making her way towards the kitchen as if nothing was wrong with her brother having sex with another man.

Ichigo wasn't sure if he should be relieved or horrified at how well his sister was taking this. Messy sheets? Shit. He'd totally forgotten about them after his rather wonderful shower with Kisuke. In a daze, Ichigo sat down at the kitchen table as Yuzu bustled around making breakfast.

"Oh! And don't forget, when your friend comes over, use those things that Daddy gave you when you went out with your friend. And I noticed that the bottle he gave you sitting on your table is almost empty. It would probably be could to get another from the clinic." Yuzu simply continued beating some eggs, probably not realizing just how awkward the situation was.

Was his little sister seriously giving him the talk on safe sex? Oh God. This was wrong on so many levels. Sweet, innocent little Yuzu shouldn't even know the logistics of sex yet! She should only know that it was bad. At least for her. Until she turned thirty. He was grateful when Yuzu finished her lecture. Deciding that being in the same house as his sister was too awkward at the moment, he stood up and quickly offered to do the shopping so that Yuzu didn't have to do it later.

Walking down the street, he decided to make a quick stop at the Urahara Shoten. Just to explain his decision that any "alone" time would be happening at the shop from here on out.


	8. D is for Degenerate

Title: D is for Degenerate

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: Not mine

Summary: Urahara explains why he and Ichigo belong together by way of discussing the downfalls of the people of Soul Society and the human world.

Word from Kerumica

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They fit together perfectly. Really, they did. No matter what anyone said. Sure, he was technically already dead. Yeah, there was a few century long age gap between them. And there was the little fact that Ichigo was still a minor. But, none of that mattered when you really got down to the grit of their relationship. Not really. Not to them.

The fact of the matter was that they were meant for each other. Like puzzle pieces. There weren't any other pieces or, in this case, people they could fit with. When you looked at their lives and ignored all of the reasons why they shouldn't be together, then you could really see why they deserved each other. 

They were both the degenerates of their generations. Ichigo with his unacceptably orange hair and vizard abilities. Him with his questionable inventions and intelligence. Ichigo was forced to constantly defend himself against punks trying to prove something here in the human world. And, if it hadn't been for Kuchiki-taicho, he probably would have had to flee from persecution and execution because of the powers he hadn't asked for. All of this because of his need to protect people. What was so wrong about wanting to protect people?

And then there was him. He'd always been intelligent. A genius even. But, no one had accepted his intelligence as a way to better Soul Society as it was. They'd been certain that he wanted to overthrow the King given time and power. As if he wanted that much responsibility. Do you have any idea how much paperwork is involved with that? So, he'd had to settle with dinking around in his lab performing tasks far under his ability level. This had unfortunately resulted in the creation of the Houguko. Who would have thought that the most powerful and dangerous creation turned weapon would have come to be as a result of extreme boredom? And then, because of his invention, he was forced to flee Soul Society. No one would have understood. 

Really, how could anyone think that they didn't belong together? Only they could understand the persecution they'd both faced because of circumstances beyond their control. Believe him, if he could have given Ichigo his shinigami powers back any other way, then he would have. Going through day after day and watching his lover suffer through not only the pain of his rebellious hollow but also the pain of friends turning their backs on him after everything he had done for them because of his hollow half was probably the second hardest thing he'd had to face in his life. This hardest thing was realizing that even knowing that he had inadvertently been responsible for the war, Ichigo never did and never would blame him.

He wasn't as immoral as everyone seemed to believe he was. When he had been caught in the girls' dorms that had been Shunsui's idea all the way. He'd just been fulfilling his promise to Jyuushiro and trying to coax the then boy back to their own dorms. Honestly, if the idiots that caught them had half a brain, then they would have realized that he wasn't even moderately interested in girls. Maybe they should have been worried about him being in the boys' dorms. Even then he had preferred boys. He hadn't created the Hougoku to take over Soul Society as many people seemed to think. He had just been really bored. If he'd known that Aizen would steal it in the future in an attempt to become King, then he would have taken Isshin up on his offer that day to sneak into the human world. 

People just didn't understand. They always managed to label the real heroes (I.e. Ichigo) as degenerates while they labeled the real degenerates (I.e. Aizen) as the saviors. Not to say that he thought that he was a hero. Far from it. But, he didn't claim to be free from blame either. And Ichigo didn't see himself as a hero. But, that didn't stop him from picking up his zanpuckto day after day to protect people he didn't know. And, it was for this reason, that they weren't the degenerates of their generations. 

And they belonged together. Don't forget that. 

And if Isshin asks, he and Ichigo haven't slept together yet. Ichigo just has really vivid wet dreams.


	9. D is for Donut

Title: D is for Donut

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K+

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: nada

Summary: It's donut day, and the world is ending. At least for Urahara. He thinks.

Word from Inumaru12

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With a mighty roar, Urahara stretched and laid in bed trying to figure out what was missing. He was certain there was supposed to be something in the room with him. What was it? It was hard for him to think when the bed was cold. Usually it was warm thanks to a certain orange-haired teen. That was it! There was a distinct lack of a warm body next to him. Where was Ichigo?

Wait. Today was Sunday. The day was supposed to be important for some reason. Donut day! The one day of the week when Tessai let them have donuts for breakfast! (Apparently they weren't good for you, but he was already dead, so why should he care?) Ah, sweet doughy goodness. They truly were the best invention by humans thus far. He loved the raspberry filled ones with powdered sugar on the outside. He had one every Sunday. Tessai only got one every Sunday. Just for him.

With a grin on his face (and forgetting that his brown-eyed lover was missing), Urahara threw on his robe and made his way to the dining room.

And promptly froze in shock in the doorway. Ichigo was eating a donut. He was eating _his _donut. The only one of that kind. Collapsing in a heap on the floor, Urahara began to cry about the inevitable apocalypse. "Ichigo! How could you! We can never be together now! If you hated me so much, why didn't you just tell me?! Why would you be so cruel as to eat my donut?!"

Completely unfazed by the blonde's antics after knowing him for so long, Ichigo looked right into Urahara's eyes and popped the last bit of donut in his mouth. And he made sure to put a look of complete and utter bliss on his face for good measure.

Urahara looked like a kicked puppy in that moment. Ichigo didn't love him anymore. And he hadn't gotten his donut. The world was over. So indulged in his self-pity, Urahara didn't register his name being called by the traitor until he had come to kneel in front of him. Looking up with a betrayed look, Urahara calmly asked (whined) Ichigo what he wanted now. Said teenager didn't say anything. Instead, he pointed to the table. To another raspberry filled, powder sugar covered donut! Another?

Ichigo must have sensed his confusion because he chuckled before pulling the blond up and leading him to the table. "Idiot. Do you really think I would do that to you. I know how weird you are about donut day. Tessai asked me last night what kind of donut I wanted, which happened to be the kind you always have, so he got two."

Now happily munching on his donut, Urahara gave Ichigo a silly grin. Then the grin faltered. Now he remembered why he was supposed to be upset with the boy.

Sighing at the pitiful expression on his lover's face, Ichigo decided to just go for it. "What's wrong now?"

"You weren't in bed when I woke up!" Urahara pouted indignantly and crossed his arms in a very childish matter.

He was really glad that the kids and Tessai had already left because he was beginning to think that this was one conversation they shouldn't hear. "So?"

"I didn't get good morning sex!"

Blushing a marvelous shade of red, Ichigo hit the blond upside the head and stalked out of the room past hysterically laughing eavesdroppers previously pressed against the door.


	10. D is for Drunk

Title: D is for Drunk

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K+

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: I do not have the privilege of owning Bleach.

Summary: He had been drunk. And he made a mistake. That mistake turned out to be the best one he had ever made.

Word from Demion69

meanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobe

He hadn't meant to do it. Really, he hadn't. He'd just been heavily intoxicated. All he had wanted to do was forget about his attraction to a certain minor who happened to be the son of his best friend. That was all. But, then the certain minor had shown up on his doorstep. And he had been alone in the shop.

Time had seemed to freeze as he had thrown himself on the teenager and pressed their lips together. When Ichigo hadn't kissed backed, the reality of the situation had caught up to him as well as sobering him a bit, and he had ashamedly pulled back and turned to go back in the shop without meeting his eyes. He hadn't wanted to see the disgust there. If he had just went inside then, he wouldn't remember what he'd done in the morning. But, if he saw that look, then he'd remember.

He had made it about as far as the hallway when a hand grabbed his arm. He hadn't struggled. He'd just stopped. The grip had been tight. He'd winced. The owner of the hand had seemed to realize that he wasn't going to turn around on his own because the other hand had grabbed his other arm and turned him slowly around so that he was facing Ichigo. Then, just as slowly, Ichigo had held his chin in his hand and tilted his head up so that he had to meet his eyes.

When he had opened eyes that he had tightly squeezed shut, he had gasped. Those eyes. Those warm, chocolate colored eyes. They hadn't been filled with disgust. Or pity. Or anger even. They had been smiling. Ichigo had been smiling. Not a cruel smirk. An honest to God, never before seen smile. And it had been for him.

"Idiot." Ichigo had said softly. "What made you think I wouldn't feel the same?"

Urahara had buried himself in the chest in front of him before answering. Wanting to pretend, just for that moment, that everything was okay. "It doesn't matter if you feel the same way. Do you honestly think your father would be okay with you dating his much older friend?"

At that point, Ichigo had laughed. Urahara had started to pull away, hurt, but Ichigo wouldn't have it. Pulling the blond even closer, he'd leaned down to whisper in his ear. "Who do you think told me to quit living in denial and come over here to confess my feelings?" When Urahara's body had froze, Ichigo had chuckled lightly and moved to press their lips together for the second time that night.

The rest had been a blur. He was certain that if he hadn't been so drunk, then he would have remembered a bit more about last night. But, it didn't really matter. What mattered was the warm body lying next to him with a soft smile on his face. Maybe, once his lover (he giggled while thinking this) had woken up, he wouldn't be against making some more memories.


	11. E is for Eye Drops

Title: E is for Eye Drops

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: T

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: me no own

Summary: Urahara is horrified by what Ichigo does, but decides to use it to his advantage.

Word from Conjure-lass

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It hurt. It hurt so much. Nothing could describe the pain he felt watching Ichigo do that. He didn't know if he'd ever be able to look at Ichigo the same way again. From now on, every time he looked into Ichigo's gorgeous brown eyes, this would be what he thought of.

Cursing the dirt in Urahara's underground training room for the hundredth time, Ichigo capped the bottle of eye drops and tilted his head back. When he was sure that the drops had filtered the dirt out, he opened his eyes and looked over to his sparring partner. Why was Urahara cringing?

"Kisuke? You okay?"

How could anyone stand to put something in their eye? How? That was just wrong on so many levels. That's why it hurt if you got poked in the eye. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Geez. "How can you do that? What's wrong with you?!" Crying in disbelief, Urahara stomped up to an oblivious Ichigo and proceeded to shake him.

"Do what?! What's wrong with me?! What's wrong with you?!" Pushing the nearly frantic blond away, Ichigo squared his shoulders while pointing straight at Urahara and continued to yell. "You don't just walk up to people and start shaking them without a reason! What are you, stupid?! Did you hit your head when I was putting eye drops in or something?!"

Huffing indignantly, Urahara met Ichigo's gaze with his no-funny-business look. "No, Kurosaki-kun, I did not."

Shit. He was being formal. It probably hadn't helped that he'd insulted the blonde's intelligence. He had to figure out what he did and quick or else he was so getting cock-blocked tonight. Sidling up to his lover, Ichigo wrapped his arms around the steaming blond. "Kisuke, I didn't mean it. I know you're not stupid. I was just frustrated, and I shouldn't have snapped like that." That's it Ichigo, do some swallowing of pride and ass-kissing. Now go in for the kill. "What'd I do? Let me make it up to you."

Oh, he was good. No, he was better than good. He was bloody well amazing. He was definitely getting his way in bed tonight. They were so trying out that swing. Unless Ichigo found out that he was freaking out because he put drops into his eyes. That would ruin all of his brilliant plans! Drat. Best to lie then. "Don't worry too much about it. You just really worried me when you stopped is all. I was afraid I might accidentally hit you before I could pull back." Strike the previous sentence. He wasn't amazing. He was God status. Oh yeah.

Ichigo didn't worry too much about how suspicious Urahara's answer sounded. He was just glad to have averted that crisis. He did not want to be stuck on the floor tonight. Hell, if it kept him in Urahara's bed, he'd even try out that God forsaken swing Urahara came home with last month. The things he did for sex, er, love.


	12. E is for Entice

Title: E is for Entice

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: T

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: I own no part of Bleach.

Summary: Urahara tricks, ehm, entices Ichigo to use the previously mentioned swing used for kinky purposes.

Word from KivaEmber

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This had to be done perfectly. There couldn't be any flaws. It was the only way. If he failed, then, well, the world as it was known could end. Okay, maybe it wouldn't be that terrible. But, it would be catastrophic. One wrong move and his entire plan would combust into pretty little pieces that even his genius mind couldn't put back together again. Like that stupid nursery rhyme that Isshin was so fond of.

No! Don't digress! Concentration was absolutely key at this point. He couldn't afford to lose his focus. Once again, catastrophe would be inevitable. So, what was he doing again? Oh, yeah. Tricking, ehm, suggesting Ichigo try out the, uh, swing. Yeah, swing. He really needed to stop his inner ramblings. They were only distracting him. Almost as much as his daydreams about what he and Ichigo could do with that swing once he got the stubborn teenager to give it a try. Guh….Dammit! He thought he told his brain to stop digressing. Mental images of a naked, flushed and panting Ichigo were most definitely against that order! This wasn't going to end well.

Making sure he was nice and comfortable as well as visible to anyone who walked through the door coughIchigocough, Urahara settled himself down on the bed. Searching carefully for his lover's spirit energy, he found him heading towards his room. Perfect. Adjusting his naked form to appear as if he were asleep, the blond set to work. Moaning Ichigo's name softly, he arched his back slightly. Letting out deep groans, he moved his hands to clench the sheets.

He didn't know what the hell was going on. He had just gotten done with dinner when Yoruichi had called saying that he needed to go see Urahara. If this was about that damn swing, then his lover could consider himself cock-blocked for the next week. Or as long as he could hold out. So, maybe three days. Frustrated and plastering his deepest intimidating scowl (which seemed to have no effect on Urahara except to make him tease him more), Ichigo stormed inside the shop and stomped towards the man's bedroom. He threw the door open prepared to go in and give the man a piece of his mind only to freeze mid-step.

That must be one hell of a dream. Ichigo realized he was probably drooling as he slipped inside and shut the door quietly trying to avoid disturbing the writhing figure on the bed. He watched the blond rock his hips at a tantalizingly slow rhythm and immediately began plotting ways to get those hips to rock more. And, preferably, the increase of rocking would occur when he was equally naked and much, much closer. Urahara was so….uninhibited like this. Sure, he never held back in bed, but this, well, this definitely made it on his top five things to wank to. Back to the manner at hand. How to make Kisuke rock his hips like that because, honestly, it looked like it'd feel really damn good as far as friction goes.

Come on brain! Think past the gorgeous blond in front of you, and think of dirty things to do with said blond! Dirty? As in kinky? As in…oh, he knew this one. Something he'd been avoiding. The swing! He couldn't believe he was going to give in, but if it got that kind of reaction, then he was just going to be pissed for not saying yes sooner. He couldn't help it. Seeing his lover laid out like that, dreaming of him, it was just so… enticing. Walking up to the bedside, Ichigo sat down and gently shook his lover back to consciousness. Long lashes fluttered slightly before icy grey eyes gazed into his own.

"Ichigo? What are you doing here?" Urahara hoped that he'd sounded groggy enough because if Ichigo realized he hadn't been asleep, then the dazed and lustful look in his eyes might just disappear.

Oh God. He was so sexy when he just woke up. He just loved how his voice had that rough edge to it. "Hey, I've been thinking. Do you wanna try out that swing?"

Urahara quickly nodded and threw himself into Ichigo's arms in order to hide his smirk. He was good. No, he was amazing. Better yet, he was more than a manipulator now. He was an enticer. Who was about to have some really awesome sex. Wonder what else he could trick, ehm, entice Ichigo into doing?


	13. E is for Eep

Title: E is for Eep

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: T

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine.

Summary: Yuzu is going to save her brother from the man hurting him in his room. Or so she thinks.

Word from Demion69

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Was Ichi-nii okay? There was a lot of noise coming from his room. Almost like he was being thrown against the wall! What if someone had broken in while she was at the store, and they were hurting him? She kept hearing grunts, like they were trying not to scream in pain. He must be trying to keep her from hearing and worrying! Oh, this was terrible. She had to help Ichi-nii! Armed with her wooden spoon and no plan in mind, Yuzu marched up the stairs to save her Ichi-nii. She hoped.

Ichigo let out another grunt as he was pressed up against the wall opposite the door. God, he loved it when Urahara was rough with him. It seemed like Urahara was enjoying their little tryst as much as he was because he let out a series of grunts and groans before he picked him up. Not wanting to lose his balance, Ichigo obediently wrapped his legs around the blonde's waist.

They'd been at it since early afternoon. His dad was out of town, so he'd skipped his afternoon classes, and Urahara had met him here. Karin would be at soccer practice for a few more hours, and Yuzu would be with Jinta and Ururu before she went shopping. Nothing could ruin what was building up to be the strongest orgasm of the day thus far. Or so he thought.

Stealing her nerves, Yuzu walked up to the door leading to the room where the grunts were increasing in volume. Wrapping her hand around the doorknob and raising her wooden spoon, she threw the door open.

Siblings and shopkeeper looked at one another without knowing what to say. The absolute definition of awkward. Yuzu was blushing while she stared at her naked brother who was pressed against the wall by an equal naked shopkeeper. Urahara tried for a reassuring smile. It came out more like a grimace.

Finally, brother and sister seemed to settle on letting out an "Eep!" before Yuzu slammed the door and her footsteps could be heard rushing down the stairs to her sanctuary: the kitchen. Urahara looked to his lover in amusement as he was redder than his namesake.

"What?" Ichigo hissed quietly. His poor sister. Not only had he been mortified twice by her, now he'd scarred her for life.

Urahara let out what suspiciously sounded like a giggle before answering. "You 'eeped' in a higher voice than your sister!" He promptly cried out in pain when he was hit upside the head.


	14. F is for Faux Pas

Title: F is for Faux Pas

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K+

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: I don't even speak Japanese.

Summary: Urahara reminisces on mistakes he and Masaki made during their friendship while wondering if she would approve of his relationship with her son.

Word by KivaEmber

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He knew that he had Isshin's full permission to date Ichigo. Without the sex part until Ichigo was eighteen of course, but what Isshin didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Knowing that Isshin was okay with their relationship should have been enough for him. But, sometimes, like now, he wondered what Masaki would have thought of it. He knew she would be happy knowing Ichigo was happy and in love, but, being a man of science, he had to consider all of the variables.

For instance, would the fact that her son's lover just so happened to be her husband's best friend bother her? Her husband's insane best friend. He liked to think that that little fact would have no consequence over the matter whatsoever, but then he always had been insecure when it concerned approval thanks to his being the only commoner in his group of friends at the academy.

He's pretty sure that Masaki liked him. After all, she'd only hit him once. And that was when they first met and a complete blunder on his part. It had been an honest mistake. Really. It wasn't his fault that he was socially retarded at that point in time. He'd been in the human world for a matter of months for God's sake! It wasn't entirely his fault that he was so curious about objects in the living world. Okay, so maybe it was. But, she didn't have to hit him so hard!

Alright, so maybe he shouldn't have told her that he'd never seen a brassier, and he'd be much obliged if she took hers off for him to examine in the middle of drinks at Isshin's former apartment. Thankfully, Isshin had been able to pull her away in the middle of her "purging the world of perverted filth". Though, Isshin was a lot more perverted than him since he actually went for girls, so he always wondered what Masaki saw in him. However, if he'd known that Isshin got Masaki to calm down by telling her that he was slow in the head and still a virgin, then he would have told her more about Isshin, so she would purge him.

Really, it wasn't the best way to make your first human friend. Although Masaki had finally found out that he wasn't slow and was indeed a genius, he still suspected that she thought he was one of those nerds who lived in their mother's basements until said mother kicked them out or died.

In all reality, he and Masaki had been rather good friends. So good in fact, Masaki felt the need to "help Urahara find that special someone!" Now, this was where Masaki made her mistake. Apparently, she was rather oblivious to how people feel, much like her son, because his first date in the human world ended up being with a lovely young woman named Elle with breasts the size of Orihime's who had a rather unnatural obsession with cheese. Finally, half-way through the date he felt like his I.Q. had dropped enough, and he had politely told Elle that he liked penises and left.

So, he and Masaki had a rather rough beginning to a friendship along with many misunderstandings, but he was certain that she would be happy for him and Ichigo. After all, she had in some abstract way still had the opportunity to play the successful role of matchmaker. Because, if she hadn't had Ichigo all those years ago, then he wouldn't have him now.

It was kind of weird when you thought of it like that. Note to self, no more inner ramblings when bored.


	15. F is for Fire

Title: F is for Fire

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: T

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: I couldn't find the rights on eBay

Summary: Kisuke ignites a fire within Ichigo. One that he can never put out.

Word from Demion69

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Burning. It was burning. No matter what he did, it just kept burning. The fire kept building. He couldn't stop it. He didn't want to stop it. Faster and faster the flames built as the fire was stoked. But not nearly fast enough. He could feel it building inside of him. With each pant in his ear, the fire cackled its intensity.

More. He needed more. That would make the fire burn brighter. Burn hotter. Burn harder. Tightening his legs around the man moving above him, he looked into grey eyes to plead for harder, deeper thrusts. The blond gave into his request. And the fire grew.

Consumed. The fire was consuming him. He was consumed by the feeling of his lover pounding into him. He was screaming his lover's name in rapture. Rapture of the feelings the blond provided. The feelings from the wonderful, blissfully burning fire inside of him.

Oh god. Why wasn't it devouring him? It was burning. Yes, it was burning. But, not like he needed it too. He knew the fire was at its ultimate peak, but it wasn't enough. It had consumed him, but not devoured. He was on the absolute brink, but the fire wouldn't push him off the edge! Why? He needed it. God, he needed it. He let his lover know how much he needed it with his intelligible pleas and nails scraping down his back.

The only sounds heard were that of heavy panting and flesh slapping against flesh when the teen lost the ability to continue his pleas. Wanting, needing, to hear his lover's voice again, the blond slowed down. The constant chanting of "So close, so close" filled the room.

He couldn't bear it now. The fire kept burning. Everything was so intense. It was too much. He needed it to stop teasing. Stop toying with him. To not send out hot flames to lick at him in the most delicious way only to draw back. He needed it. Now. He couldn't keep this up much longer. He was going to break. Too much. Too much! Now! He had to have it now!

Devoured. Finally, the fire pushed him to and off the edge. With a guttural cry, he screamed out in bliss. The fire receded. It was just smoldering now. Looking up at his still panting lover, he grinned. The fire would always be there, smoldering beneath the surface, as long as Kisuke was there to ignite it.


	16. G is for Games

Title: G is for Games

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: T

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Summary: Urahara and his history of uses of games. He learns he can't always win.

Word: Games by InuMaru12

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"Nay, Kurosaki-kun?" When the blond was sure he had the teen's attention after a few minutes of incessant poking, he continued. "Do you wanna play a game?"

"No." Ichigo grunted out.

Urahara sat up and put on his best indignant look. "Well, why not?!"

"Because, you turned Twister into a frottage session, Monopoly into a way to get sexual favors when I went bankrupt, and Go Fish into strip poker." All this was said without the orange-haired boy ever looking up from his book.

Blinking slightly, Urahara realized that he may have to switch tactics if he was going to get Ichigo to play. He let a grin spread across his face at the mention of Twister. That was fun. "But, Kurosaki-kun, I've never played this game before! I can't possibly cheat!"

At the mention of Urahara never playing the game, Ichigo sat up and gave the blond his undivided attention. Maybe, just maybe, he could win this time. "What game is it?"

"Risk! Whoever dominates Japan gets to dominate tonight!" Yes, he was going for it! Sure, he'd never played before, but he had spent the past week researching it and getting tips from experienced gamers on the internet. And he'd read the manual cover to cover at least three times.

"Okay. You're on."

Seven hours later, Urahara was wondering where he had gone wrong. He'd done everything he was supposed to do, but he'd still…lost. Don't get him wrong, he enjoyed Ichigo dominating him, but, dammit, he'd really wanted to try out those nipple clamps! Turning to face his lover, he decided he mind as well get it over with. "Kurosaki-kun?"

Ichigo let out a drowsy "Hmm?"

"How come you're so good at that game?"

"I've been the undefeated Risk champion of Karakura for the past three years." Ichigo replied with a smug smile.

Dammit.


	17. G is for Greed

Title: G is for Greed

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K+

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: Not mine

Summary: Kisuke realizes that he's a very greedy person when it comes to Ichigo. But he's not sorry.

Word: Greed by Silver Harmony

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It wasn't wrong. Really. It wasn't. So he was being a bit greedy. But, could you blame him? He'd pined after Ichigo for years, and, now that he had him, he was a little reluctant to let him spend any of his time without him. Yeah, Ichigo thought it was a tad bit annoying, but, for the most part, he thought it was endearing of Kisuke. Something about showing how much he loved him. He just didn't want to chance losing Ichigo to someone else.

Maybe he was going a bit overboard, though. After all, Ichigo was gay; he shouldn't have to worry about other girls (I.e. Inoue-san and Kuchiki-san) taking him away. He really shouldn't have a problem with the girls wanting Ichigo to come with them to the carnival. Friends did that sort of thing. And he only saw the girls as friends.

But, then he would start thinking of the last ride. The dreaded ride. The ride that only he, or Ichigo's sisters, were allowed to ride with him. The ride that, if your companion wasn't a relative, would guarantee a full-blown make-out session at some point during the course of it. The Ferris Wheel. Damn that ride and its existence. Damn the creator of it. Damn anyone who would try to manipulate his poor unsuspecting Ichigo onto it and seduce him! Yeah…..so, maybe he was over thinking this. It wasn't Ichigo's fault that those two were in absolute love with him. But they couldn't have him. Ichigo was his. Only his. And Ichigo would never betray him.

"What's gotten you into today?" Ichigo whispered softly as he slid onto the bed next to his lover.

"Just thinking about how I'm a rather greedy person when it comes to you." Kisuke answered truthfully. That was something he'd always given Ichigo that no one seemed capable in giving. Honesty.

"Oh really?" The teen's voice was colored with a tint of amusement.

Turning to look into his lover's eyes, Kisuke let a smile grace his features. "Yes. And I don't regret it at all."

"Good. Because I wouldn't have it any other way. What do you say I tell the girls to go because we have plans that we already made. You call the restaurant." Without waiting for an affirmative from the blond, Ichigo stood and made his way to the sitting room where Orihime and Rukia were waiting for him to go to the carnival downtown.

Gazing at Ichigo's back as he left the room, Kisuke allowed his smile to morph into a grin. Yes, he was a greedy man, but, it appeared that Ichigo loved him for it. So, there really wasn't anything wrong with it. There was nothing wrong with anything Ichigo liked. Take himself as an example.


	18. G is for Green Gummy Bears

Title: G is for Green Gummy Bears

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K

Pairing: Urahara/Ichigo

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach

Summary: Where are those deliciously chewy green gummy bears?

Word: Gummy Bears and Green by demion69

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Standing with a yawn and stretching his arms above his head, Urahara began to shut down his lab. It had been a long day. So much work. He loved just fiddling around in his lab until odd hours of the night, but paperwork! Urahara shivered at the thought of the horrendously large pile of it he'd just completed. And the even larger stacks he still had to do. Paperwork was definitely the devil incarnate. No matter how hard he worked on it, the piles never seemed to get smaller! Well, at any rate, he definitely deserved a treat. He firmly believed in rewarding himself. More motivation to get work done. And what better way to reward himself than with his favorite candy?

Humming a little tune, Urahara made his way to the kitchen. Quietly, so as not to wake anyone, he opened the top cupboard confidently and reached inside. Only to pull it out quickly and stick his head inside. Where were they?! He was positive he put them back in that exact spot the night before! Now slightly panicky, Urahara rushed around the kitchen, throwing doors open in the process, looking for his missing treats.

Giving up on finding them in the kitchen, he moved to the front of the store. Silly him. He should have just come up front. After all, this was a candy store. Chuckling to himself, Urahara made his way over to where those deliciously chewy green gummy bears should be. But there weren't any left. What the hell! What kind of a candy store was he running anyway! Pouting in defeat, Urahara stomped over to the tea room, no longer caring if he woke anyone up, and plopped down on one of the many cushions.

While he was busy glaring holes into the table, Urahara didn't notice when someone slid open the door. He completely missed the slight chuckle. He deftly ignored the hand on his shoulder. However, he smiled in delight when a brand new bag of those deliciously chewy green gummy bears were dropped on the table in front of him! Twisting around, Urahara wrapped his arms tightly around Ichigo's waist, grinning like a maniac.

Chuckling again, Ichigo lightly patted the blonde's head. Kon got into yours this afternoon and there was only one bag left in the shop, so I hid it so no one could buy it. I know how you get without your stupid gummy bears. Why you only eat the green ones is beyond me." Even with the annoyance in his tone, it was easy to see Ichigo's affection for the man and his amusement at his lover's antics.

"Have I told you lately that I love you?" Urahara asked with more energy than anyone that late at night should have.

Still smiling, Ichigo pulled out of Urahara's grasp and moved towards the door. "Just eat your candy and come to bed."

Urahara sighed contentedly as he opened the never-before-opened pouch and popped a gummy bear in his mouth. He had the best boyfriend ever. It was a good thing said boyfriend always came through for him, otherwise, the world just might have ended tonight.


	19. H is for Hallucinate

Title: H is for Hallucinate

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author Acmarache

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, have no claim to Bleach

Summary: Kisuke hasn't seen Ichigo for so long, and now he's beginning to see him everywhere. Or at least he thinks he is. Maybe. Or not.

Word: Hallucinate by Silver Harmony

meanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobe

He needed Ichigo. He needed his lover. It had been so long. So bloody long since he'd last embraced the young teen. Since the last time he'd had sex. The last time had been before Ichigo had gone to Soul Society to become the temporary captain of the Third. He'd only been up for a few hours, and he'd been hallucinating the entire time.

When he entered the wash room to take a shower, he'd imagined that long lean body with water dripping down the tan skin and the oh so familiar welcoming smirk. About the time that he'd ripped his clothing off, he'd realized the shower was devoid of any life.

Breakfast had been horrible. The entire time he'd imagined Ichigo there beside him and, being convinced each time the image was in fact Ichigo, he'd take a spoonful of cereal to shove in the non-existent Ichigo's mouth. Suffice to say, Jinta did not take very kindly to having cereal thrown at him at random times for the next twenty minutes.

But this, this really put the icing on the proverbial cake. Now his brain was conjuring the image of a very naked and a very sweaty Ichigo stretched out on his bed, spread legs and all. Oh God, this image even had the sultry come-hither look down. He had to stop teasing himself like this! He knew this wasn't really his lover. He had to get out of here. To the bathroom. Yes! There he could wank himself into oblivion, and no one would be the wiser! With a quickly yelled "You can't fool me anymore!", Kisuke ran from his room to barricade himself in the bathroom.

Leaving a very confused Ichigo behind. What in the ninth circle of Hell? Here he thought his surprise would have been welcomed. He had managed to convince that bastard Renji to cover for him this afternoon and came home to surprise his lover. Which had just gone up in flames. Big, burning bright ones. The uncontrolled kind. Had his lover finally crossed the brink of insanity in the three days he was gone? Maybe Kisuke hadn't been joking when he said that he couldn't make it three days without sex.


	20. H is for Hollow

Title: H is for Hollow

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K

Disclaimer: Not mine

Summary: Ichigo is hollow.

Word: Hollow by InuMaru12

meanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobe

In the beginning all he felt was pain. The never-ending, can't numb it kind. Whenever he came through the gateway to end up in the shop. Whenever he slept in the now depressingly empty bedroom. Whenever he looked into the eyes of the shop occupants. Whenever he passed Twelfth division. Whenever he went on a mission into Hueco Mundo. Whenever someone mentioned Aizen and his Arrancar. Whenever someone slipped and said _his _name.

But now, now he was just hollow. Empty. Devoid of life. The only thing keeping him going was knowing that someday, his lover would be reborn in the Human world. The only thing that had kept him from impaling himself on Zangetsu when Urahara had given his own life to destroy the Hyougoku was the knowledge that he had to make it because he had to keep their memories. His only connection to his dead lover.

He knew his friends worried about him. He had become more secretive since the blonde's death. But he didn't really think his friends would be okay with the knowledge that he frequently goes to the Human world and lets his Hollow take over just to escape from the grief for a few blissful hours.

Someday, he knows he and Urahara will be united. But, until then, he is hollow.


	21. H is for Hickey

Title: H is for Hickey

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K

Disclaimer: Me no own

Summary: Ichigo is humiliated at a captain's meeting.

Word: Hickey by Demion69

meanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobe

He was going to kill him. A nice, long painful death. With no mercy. Even if he promised to do that thing with his tongue. It was his succumbing to that thing he does with his tongue that got him in this mess in the first place!

The day had started like any other day. Wake up late still tangled in the sheets and with his lover. Make a half-assed attempt at smoothing his hair down, throw on the cleanest uniform in sight, and run through the gateway to Soul Society. Then shunpo the remaining distance to the Third division so he can listen to Kira cry about "Ichimaru-taicho" on the way to the captain's meeting.

However, on this particular day, Kira didn't cry. In fact, the blond didn't so much as peep the entire way to First Division. He just kept sending not so subtle glances in his direction the entire way. He was about ready to shake the guy and ask him what his problem was by the time they got to the meeting.

With a heavy sigh, he had taken his place amongst the other captains and prepared to keep from dying of boredom. They were halfway through roll call (all the captains actually showed up this time, so it was pointless), when Shunsui let out what suspiciously sounded like a giggle. Ichigo had turned to the man's counterpart to see if he knew what his lover was on about only to find him grinning broadly at him.

A bark of laughter signified Renji had given in and said to hell with propriety. Wondering how Byakuya was taking his former lieutenant's undignified outburst, he turned in his direction only to be shell-shocked. The Kuchiki heir was smirking at him. Emotion was showing on the dead fish's face! But everyone else was apparently too preoccupied with whatever was so funny to even notice!

Which led him to wonder what exactly it was that had even the old geezer smiling in amusement. In the end, it was Kenpachi that clued him in. He'd told him to tell his lover that if he was going to stake his claim on him, then he should do it in a less visible spot. His confusion must have shown because the ever prepared Rangiku pulled out her compact and aimed it so he could see the side of his neck. The side with a very large and purple hickey. Turning as red as his namesake, Ichigo had stomped out of the meeting muttering about dead shopkeepers on his way back to Karakura town.

Which brings him to the here and now. The bastard doesn't even have the decency to look sorry after he explained how humiliated he was! In fact, he's smirking! Then, Ichigo hears Kisuke say something about it being his turn to claim him, and his brain shuts down, focusing only on the now very naked and appealing shopkeeper spread out in front of him.

Several hours later, Ichigo decides that maybe it's not too bad to have a clearly visible hickey every once in awhile if it means he gets to top that night.


	22. I is for Ipod

Title: I is for Ipod

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: I only take them out to play with. XD

Summary: Ichigo's ipod is acting weird, and he thinks a certain blond is responsible.

Word: ipod

Word by Demion69

meanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobe

It was talking to him. Well, not in the people speak as inanimate objects don't talk, but it was definitely trying to convey some message to him.

He had his ipod on shuffle, and all day it seemed content to play only a select few songs. Songs that he'd hoped no one would realize he even possessed due to the sap level. But, on this particular day, they were the only songs that had come up. This had to be the hundredth time he'd heard _I Believe in a Thing Called Love_. At least.

God! It'd been doing this ever since he left Urahara's that morning! Wait. Urahara. Meddler extraordinaire.

Taking his ipod out of his pocket, he scrolled to his library. What. The. Hell. Out of the hundreds of songs he had loaded onto his ipod, only the sap songs he'd been listening to all day remained. Did Urahara even know how long it took him to load the thing?! He was going to kill the man.

Stomping over to the porch in front of him, he was greeted by his grinning lover.

"Ichigo! What a surprise!" The blond said in that stupid sing-song voice while waving that even stupider fan of his.

"Urahara!" The teen yelled while shoving his ipod in the blonde's face. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why did you take off all the music except _those_ songs?"

"Why, Ichigo, I had just hoped that if you listened to those songs all day, then you would know what I don't always tell you. You do know I love you. Don't you?" During his little explanation, Urahara had sidled over to his lover and put his hand on his shoulder and employed the puppy dog eyes.

"You just want me to forget that I said no sex for two weeks." Ichigo deadpanned as he shrugged off the blonde's hand and made his way into the shop.

"Well, there's that too." Urahara agreed as he gazed up with an almost thoughtful expression. After a minute he seemed to realize his companion had left him. "Hey! Where are you going?"

"Tessai and the kids are gone?"

"Yeah…why?" Ichigo wasn't going to murder him while there were no witnesses, was he?

"Well, are you coming to the bedroom or not?" Came the irritated reply.

Yes! Score one for the insane genius!


	23. J is for Jelly

Title: J is for Jelly

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: T cuz it's implied that Ichi is doing the dirty with Urahara

Summary: Yuzu wants to know what happened to the jelly.

Word: Jelly by demion69

meanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobemeanttobe

"Karin? Do you know what happened to all of the jelly?"

The dark-haired girl raised her head from the paper she had been reading to see her twin nervously twisting her ever present wooden spoon in her hand. "Ichigo has it."

"Oh, well I'll go ask him if I can borrow it real quick."

Karin mumbled an affirmative as she engrossed herself back into her paper. It took her all of ten seconds to realize exactly why she shouldn't have agreed with her sister. Jumping up from the table and running to the stairs, she maneuvered herself between Yuzu and the stairs with her arms spread wide. "No! I mean, don't bother Ichi-nii Yuzu, he's having a….tutoring session."

"Oh, I don't want to bother him if he's busy, but why does he need the jelly?" Yuzu asked as she stared with wide-eyes at her sister.

"Um….he's learning how to make jelly-filled donuts!" Karin blurted out.

Yuzu stared for a few moments before she broke out a blinding smile. "That's great! Maybe he'll make some for us to go with breakfast tomorrow." Satisfied, she turned and skipped her way back to the kitchen.

When she was absolutely positive that Yuzu wouldn't notice, Karin made her way up the stairs and stomped to Ichigo's room. Pushing her sleeves up past her elbows, she kicked the door to her brother's room open. There is much to be said either for Karin's character or the frequency that such events occur since the aforementioned girl didn't so much as blush to the previously thought anatomically impossible position she witnessed her brother and a certain blond shopkeeper in.

Said brother let out a rather girlish squeak while attempting to grab the blanket that had slid to the floor (or maybe Kisuke had threw it) in order to keep some of his dignity. When it became clear that he was not going to reach the blanket unless he wanted to expose a wonderful kick shot to his sister, Ichigo settled for glaring at his grinning lover.

"Oi, Ichi-nii, I would suggest you go out tonight and buy another jar of jelly tonight. Oh, and you might want to buy some jelly donuts too and pretend you made them."

"What the hell do I need to buy jelly donuts for?" Ichigo asked as he attempted to push his lover, who apparently was not adverse to continuing their previous activities in front of his twelve-year old sister, off of the bed. And maybe if he got just enough force in the push, he'd fall out the window too.

Karin rolled her eyes before throwing her nii-san's math book, lying conveniently next to her, at the blond. She let out a satisfied hum when said blond grunted in pain and fell to the floor. "Yuzu thinks you're learning how to make them. Of course, if you don't want to do it, I can always tell her to come right in to get the jelly because you've given up on learning."

Ichigo waved his hands wildly as he answered. "No! I'll get the donuts!" He sighed in relief when his smirking sister left. Feeling his bed shift alerted him that Kisuke was attempting to get back on the bed.

"Ichi-kun? If I stay for breakfast, can I have a strawberry jelly filled donut?"

Ichigo's response was to knock the blond back to the floor.


	24. I is for Indecisive

Title: I is for Indecisive

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K

Disclaimer: Nada

Summary: Ichigo can't decide when to tell Urahara, but Urahara isn't having any of it.

Word: Indecisive by Silver Harmony

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Today. He would do it today. There was nothing to stop him. School was over for the summer. His human friends were in Tokyo for the weekend. Renji was taking care of all things related to Shinigami in the real world today in order to train new recruits. The girls and Goat Face were with Tessai, Jinta, and Uruu at a baseball game. Nothing to stop him all weekend. Today he would do it.

Right after breakfast. He couldn't very well go out on an empty stomach, now could he? But what if he started getting nervous when he was making his confession? What if he got sick all over? That would definitely ruin his chances! But, if he didn't eat breakfast and had an empty stomach, then he wouldn't get sick. Okay, he'd go right after he decided whether or not he was having breakfast. Really.

In the end, he'd decided to listen to his growling stomach and just eat some cereal. It's not like he'd ever thrown up when nervous anyway. Of course, he'd never confessed his love to someone either…Shit! Maybe he just shouldn't do it today. Or at least wait until later. But what if Urahara was busy today? He didn't want to impose. Never mind that the man was always just lounging around. Today may be different since Tessai and the kids were gone. That may be when he does all of his work. Or when he has his lovers over.

Gah! This was absolutely ridiculous! He was going over to the shop….once he figured out if he was even going to tell the man today.

A man was crouched on the edge of a building and peered into the window across the street, confusion written across his face. What was the boy doing? Was he arguing with himself? For the love of all things holy! With an uncharacteristic growl, the blond shook his head and jumped from his perch, making a beeline for the front door of the house he'd been staking out since that morning.

Ichigo startled when he heard the front door open. Who the hell was here? Great, there went a perfect opportunity to confess to Urahara. He continued to grumble about lost opportunities with hot blondes and didn't notice that the person sitting on his couch was indeed the blond of his thoughts and dreams.

"Ichigo."

The teen finally realized who was in his living room when his name was called and turned to the man with a startled expression. "Urahara? What are you doing here?"

"Do you have any idea how much money you've cost me? I'm not about to let you screw this up." The blond answered with his patented whine.

"Money? Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Buying six tickets to that baseball game in Osaka wasn't cheap. Nor were the tickets to that concert in Tokyo. Or the money I had to give to both establishments to keep them from selling you a ticket. The hardest part, though, was getting Renji to cover for you here as far as Shinigami business goes. And he still wouldn't agree to it until I threatened to tell Rukia he was sleeping with her brother. Now, I am not about to let you weasel your way out of confessing your undying love to me after all of that!" The blond man finished with a slight huff and snapped his mouth closed.

What? Urahara was behind all of that? "Wait! How did you know that I love you!"

Urahara gave the teen a blank stare before answering. "Ichigo, you talk in your sleep. Everyone knows that you love me."

Blushing slightly, Ichigo made his way over to sit next to the blond. "Well, I, um, I love you." He managed to stammer out.

"I love you, too, Ichigo." Urahara smiled as he wrapped his arms around the young man.

This was perfect. He could just stay here all day with Urahara. Or maybe they should go to his bedroom. Hold it. "Sense when is Renji doing Byakuya?"


	25. J is for Jealousy

Title: J is for Jealousy

Series: Let Me Count the Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K

Summary: It had seemed like a wonderful idea at the time. Oh, but now he regretted it.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, no.

Word: Jealousy by Silver Harmony

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Glaring at the thing currently wrapping itself around his Ichigo, Urahara gave into the pout that had been forming for the past hour. Catching the thing's gaze, he tried his best imitation at a Kuchiki Death Glare in response to the smug look in its eyes, but it was apparently immune to the Death Glare as it seemed to just bounce off. He refused to accept the possibility that a glare mixed with a pout wasn't highly intimidating.

When that horrible fiend rubbed against Ichigo, and his love let out a laugh, Urahara slumped down even further. Ichigo was only supposed to laugh that way for him! Trying not to let his frustration show through his carefree façade, the blond took a rather large, not to mention undignified, swig of his tea. And promptly spat it out. Wonderful! To top the horrid day off, he'd let an entire pot of his favorite tea go cold. Rationally, he knew a little kido and the tea would be warm again with no effect on the taste, but dammit, if he wanted to pout, then he was going to pout!

"Kisuke?"

Jerking out of his reverie, Urahara pasted the most innocent look he could muster on his face. From the amused look Ichigo gave him, he was certain he hadn't fooled him. "Yes Ichi-kun?"

The teen cringed slightly at the endearment, but ignored it for the greater part. "Why are you sitting all the way over there? You ask me to come over, but you haven't said two words to me since you gave me this thing." To accentuate his point, Ichigo lifted the black and white kitten by its scruff.

Urahara looked at the kitten held before him. At the time, giving the teen a cute, furry little kitten for their anniversary had seemed like a wonderful idea. People did that sort of thing all the time on television. It was romantic. Oh, but now he regretted the decision entirely. The kitten looked up at him with big, pleading innocent eyes, but he wasn't fooled. Not anymore. That animal was a love sucking demon. It latched onto the unsuspecting person in a relationship like a leech and sucked out all the love until there was none left for the other person in the relationship.

Okay, so maybe he was being a little melodramatic, but Ichigo had already been there for an hour, and they hadn't had sex yet!

Ichigo looked slowly from the kitten and back to Urahara. Just as slowly, a grin formed on his lips. "Kisuke, are you jealous of a kitten?"

"No!" Damn. The refusal was too quick. Now Ichigo would no for certain his shame.

With an amused smirk, Ichigo set the kitten on the floor before getting up and walking over to the blond and plopping himself in his lap. "Well, I could always give it to Yuzu."

"Please, do." The blond growled before pulling the teen into a hug. He refused to admit the reason he hugged Ichigo instead of kissing him was so that he could look over his lover's shoulder and stick his tongue out at the unsuspecting kitten. Because, really, that would just be childish.


	26. K is for Kilt, Kimono, and Knot

Title: K is for Kilt, Kimono, and Knot

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: K

Disclaimer: Sadly, no.

Words: kilt, kimono, and knot by demion69

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When he had woken up today, it had felt like a good day. Not that the days preceding it had been bad, but something in his gut just told him it would be a good day. He should have known better than to listen to his gut. It was usually wrong when it came to Urahara.

However, putting aside gut feelings, nothing in his seventeen years of life could have prepared him for this. If he wasn't mistaken, and he really hoped he was, it appeared that the residents of the Urahara Shoten were wearing skirts.

"What the hell?" As a beaming Urahara, indifferent Uruu (after all, she wore a skirt everyday) and a disgruntled Tessai turned to face him, Ichigo realized his comment may have been a bit louder than he had intended.

"Ichigo! Today is Act Like a Scot Day!" The exuberant blond exclaimed as he attached himself to the teen's side. "Come on, grab a kimono and knot it around your waist like a kilt! Once Jinta is done knotting his, we'll spend the rest of the day perfecting our Scottish accents!"

A muscle twitched by Ichigo's eye. There was no way he was going to wear Urahara's version of a kilt. Because, come on, what if Renji or Rukia came over! They'd never let him live it down. Even worse, pineapple head would tell pretty boy Byakuya.

Too late, Ichigo realized that he was now alone outside with Urahara. And he was giving him that adorable, but so not working, pouty look. He wasn't going to do it. Urahara could give him whatever looks he wanted and tell him how much supposed fun it was, but he was not going to knot a kimono around himself to pretend like he was Scottish!

"Ichi?" Urahara asked quietly as he sidled up the teen and put his arms around him and rested his chin on Ichigo's shoulder.

"Yeah?" Ichigo was horrified to hear his voice crack. He would not give in. Urahara wouldn't break his resolve. He was like steel.

Just above a whisper, Urahara said into Ichigo's ear, "The kilts give easy access."

Oh, kami. "Give me one of those stupid kimonos and help me tie it." That said, Ichigo stalked into the shop without turning to see the smirk he was sure was spread across the blonde's face.

Maybe his gut was right about today after all.


	27. K is for Knitting and Kitten

Hello, dear readers.

I apologize, but this is not a long-awaited update. However, perhaps some of you will enjoy this story being taken out of the limbo it has been in for quite some time. In short, I'm putting this series up for adoption. Please see my bio for details if you're interested. I hate it, too, when authors do this, but I hope that my bio gives a little explanation as to why I feel like I must do this. If not, well, I won't lose any sleep over it.

Apologies,

Acmarache

Title: K is for Knitting and Kitten

Series: Let Me Count The Ways

Author: Acmarache

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Not mine

Words: Knitting and Kitten by Conjure-lass

"What are you doing?" Urahara asked dumfounded as he froze in the doorway taking in his lover's form.

Ichigo looked up just long enough from his project for his lover to see that his face was burning the color of his namesake. "What does it look like I'm doing!"

Plastering his trademark smile on his face, the blond sauntered over to the teen sitting on the floor and joined him. "Well, it looks like you're knitting the world's ugliest sweater with," looking closer at the design, Urahara frowned, "bunnies?"

The teen didn't look up from his work, but grunted while sticking his tongue out slightly in concentration.

"Why? Oh! No! You've finally decided that Renji is right and that I'm an unhealthy addiction! Now you're trying to find a hobby to break the addiction! No, Ichigo! Don't listen to them! We're meant to be! You're the sugar to my tea! The strawberry of my eye! The afterglow to my orgasm!" Urahara screamed frantically as he jumped up from his spot and waved his arms about.

Ichigo's movements stopped as a blush traveled down his frame. "I'm not trying to get rid of you, you baka! That stupid kitten you gave me pulled the sweater Rukia knit me for Christmas apart. I'm supposed to have dinner with her and the pretty boy tomorrow night, and she expects me to wear it. I'm not about to upset her, no matter how hideous this thing is, and have Byakuya go bankai on my ass! As you can see, I'm a little stressed at the moment!"

Loosening his grip somewhat on the knitting needles, Ichigo continued his attempt to repair the sweater.

Blinking owlishly, Urahara looked from the sweater to his lover and back again. "Ichi, don't you think Rukia-chan will notice something is up if the sweater looks better than when she gave it to you?"

"Aargh!"


End file.
